WWE Prime Time Wrestling 12/25/1989 Match Ratings and Commentary
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan as Santa Claus (Credit-WWE)
Here’s a nostalgic look back at a special Christmas episode of WWE Prime Time Wrestling. Curious how we rank matches? We’ve got a rubric for that.
WWE Prime Time Wrestling - 12/25/1989
Ultimate Warrior def. Brian Costello: ★
Bad News Brown def. Tito Santana: ★
The Bolsheviks def. WT Jones and Todd Becker: ★
Richard Charland def. Barry Horowitz: ★
Bret “The Hitman” Hart drew Greg “The Hammer” Valentine: ★
Hercules def. Craig Green: ★
The Genius def. Mark Young: ★
“Macho King” Randy Savage def. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka: ★
The best comedic duo (Credit-WWE)
Show Highlight—
Bobby Heenan as Santa Claus. This is my absolute favorite moment of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan’s career as it incapsulates everything about him “The Weasel” to perfection.
Here’s the backstory:
Heenan wanted his own show after his feelings of mistreatment from Gorilla Monsoon’s years of correcting him and Tony Schiavone being added to Wrestling Challenge. Heenan quit to host his own talk show during the last 30 minutes of Prime Time Wrestling that was a trainwreck in the vein of every bad Letterman retread. In his absence, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper became Gorilla’s new cohost. When Heenan returned to Prime Time after his show’s cancelation, Piper picked on Heenan nonstop and later Piper distracted “Ravishing” Rick Rude at SummerSlam 1989 to cost Rude and Heenan the Intercontinental title. Antagonizing each other on the prior Prime Time, Piper won a wrestling trivia contest so Heenan had to appear as Santa Claus and be nice or else he’d be fined tens of thousands of dollars.
At first, Heenan went along with the pleasantries dressed as Santa. After Heenan asked the producers for a close-up on his face, he told the predominately child audience that Santa isn’t real to Piper and Gorilla’s horror. Heenan unloaded these gloating one-liners with Grinch-like glee as only he could: “Tis the season to be swerved!” “The guy you sat on the lap of at the discount store? Just outta detox!” “The guy’s been on the lam, he’s got a bunch of aliases: Kris Kringle, St. Nick, Santa Claus—sounds like the guy’s wanted in three states!” To which Gorilla got disgusted with Heenan again, scornfully stating, “He’s just the nasty, rotten individual that he always was.” And Piper was angriest not only because he’d been in a rivalry with Heenan already, but he grew up authentically poor and homeless, and wanted to keep the magic of Santa and Christmas alive for his kids, of which Heenan also casually insulted.
So it ended with a cut back to Gorilla and Bobby at the Prime Time set. Heenan got in one last silly line I still repeat, “Monsoon, you mean to tell me you put your jammies on last night with the feeties and the button-down bottoms, put out the milk and cookies, put your thumb in your yap, and hoped some fat guy came down the chimney?” Then Piper appeared on-stage and threatened Heenan. The Brain, who just couldn’t help himself, swears to Piper that he’ll straighten it out about Santa as he got one final close-up from the truck again.
“Fake hat. Fake glasses. Fake beard. Fake hair. You see, Santa is just an average guy like me, he’s a guy walking the streets. You kids have been swerved by your folks—take it out on them!” While Heenan said this, he undressed each layer he called out with absolute beaming, malevolent pride. Which of course was the last straw before Piper finally snapped and beat the shit out of Heenan unmercifully to get fried from Prime Time Wrestling. The zenith of Golden Era WWE. Still to this day, I watch this segment every single Christmas as my holiday wrestling tradition.
What Worked—
Ultimate Warrior. The crowd reaction couldn’t be faked even on a show that was in the can, making it clearer and clearer why Vince pegged him as the heir to Hogan. I always preferred this presentation of the Warrior with his logo painted on his chest. I can’t fathom what it would be like to be a jobber penciled in against Warrior and have to listen to the batshit spots he had planned out though, poor bastards.
Update w/ Mean Gene. Nothing was more classic than these. Gene batted every single one of these out of the ballpark. Given how many closeted wrestling fans there were in broadcasting then, it’s amazing Okerlund never had a gig as an update guy in the studio for whichever sports league.
“No Holds Barrrrrrrrrrred!” One of the more infamous coked-out promos of all time. Macho King, Zeus, and Sherri snorted a chopped-up 15 foot line of Bolivian marching powder, HGH, and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford to make this masterpiece.
Mr. Perfect golfs. Popped collar, 80s puffy pants, white man Jheri Curl—Curt Henna was awesome. Like most of the Mr. Perfect vignettes that were filmed at Vince’s Connecticut mansion, I like to imagine Vince also randomly had a one-hole course in his backyard, just cause.
Sapphire becomes Dusty’s manager. Holy fuck, talk about your historic episodes! It’s funny how when you’re a little dipshit kid, depending on your inlet into WWE, you think whatever you’re first presented with is what’s normal in wrestling. And so I always saw Dusty not as John Wayne, but the old guy dancing with the older lady. It took me years to appreciate the fun-loving character this polka-dotted presentation of Dusty was.
Piper says goodbye. In a weird way, I always found it oddly poignant to hear Piper in a serious tone tell Gorilla that he was a good man, because I always felt kayfabe Gorilla was a good man and maybe he didn’t get to hear it enough.
What Didn’t Work—
Hart vs. Valentine. You’d think you’d get a better match out of these two given their caliber of workrate when motivated, alas the keyword being motivated.
Show Cringe—
Charland def. Horowitz. Godawful bore. But who cares, you watched for Gorilla and Bobby.
Macho King, Sherri, and Zeus (Credit-WWE)
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