WWE WrestleMania 38 Post Examination

Arlington, Texas—AT&T Stadium

April 2nd & 3rd, 2022

I had wanted to go to Jerryworld the moment it was constructed.  Because of WrestleMania, I’m fascinated by stadiums and their architecture.  I don’t play Madden, but anytime I had, I’d drive my friends nuts by doing those previews of the stadium and was more preoccupied by how well the game captured the building rather than attempting to have an edge with the team I selected.  AT&T Stadium has always translated to television as the greatest stadium in the world and I was dying to go.  

One of the biggest regrets of my life was not seeing my Buckeyes beat Oregon in 2014 here.  I promised myself I’d go there for the right event—WrestleMania 32 was not—so now with the Podcast and website, it felt like the right time to go.  

Alex, Sean, and myself bought tickets the day they went on sale, and we were all willing to spread the ol’ lettuce for good seats.  Those seats ended up being fantastic, and gave me countless amount of great pictures that I’ll look back at fondly forever, as they captured the majesty of this great building.  Truly, there wasn’t a bad seat in AT&T Stadium, and I’m grateful we got to take it in together as a team, knowing our interest in WWE was declining to an unsalable plummet.  The crowd didn't share our hesitation at all.  Which lifted my pessimism.  They were all fuck it, it’s WrestleMania, and so we went along with it and tried to have the best time we could.  

The Usos def. Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs

Meaningless match that could have been on TV, nothing about it whatsoever felt like it belonged on WrestleMania.  The crowd loved every second of Boogs’ shtick and sang along to Nakamura.  There was nothing going on before Boogs’ injury. ★

Drew McIntyre def. Happy Corbin

I only saw the entrances live.  Happy Corbin=concession stand.  Wouldn’t you know it, AT&T Stadium makes great hot pretzels!  Complete waste of Drew’s talent that needlessly drags his stock value down to be programed with Corbin. ★

The Miz and Logan Paul def. Rey and Dominik Mysterio

Still at the concession stand as I planned to miss this turd weeks and weeks ahead.  For this match we had the privilege to witness a couple have an ugly passive aggressive fight at the front of the line, where at any moment we all held our collective breath if we’d have to step in.  By default, seeing the end of this match lightened my mood.  Logan Paul wasn’t as bad as other celebrity wrestlers and clearly he put some work in.  Miz turned on him but is anyone a face from it? ★★

Bianca Belair def. Becky Lynch

Crowd was massively into Bianca here and she feels like she could be a permanent fixture on the main event of the women’s side of the aisle.  Appeals to everyone, brought fire, physically impressive in person.  Maybe they had this mapped out at SummerSlam of last year, but this storyline landed like a reclamation project for Belair after making her look like shit.  They didn’t disappoint.  There was no loss of momentum after Belair came out to a Texan drumline.  The dude seated in front of us was a massive Becky fan and was audibly into this match, in a non-annoying-toxic-fan way.  Good false finishes, reversals, and the right finish at the right time. ★★★

Cody Rhodes def. Seth Rollins

It’s astonishing this match delivered and had a big match feel, knowing how insipid this storyline with Seth was and how Cody was going to be the surprise all along.  They were different things, yes, but not unlike the CM Punk return during The First Dance, there’s an emotional catharsis for fans when the payoff is the correct person in the correct place at the correct time and there’s not a cutesy swerve.  Cody’s reveal and entrance was great, albeit surreal to see him back as the AEW version of Cody, with none of the invasive plastic surgery of WWE creative.  But the question I waned to know was, was where in the hell was Glacier?!?!?

As much as I vehemently dislike Seth Rollins’ current character with his Adderall-fueled, J-E-Double-F ha-ha-ha cackling, he can still bring it in-ring, and—as countless others similarly pointed out—this was a better version of the later Triple H matches he’d have at Mania.  In the absence of John Cena, maybe Cody can be a newer version of him in WWE, where that act is more palpable for that audience. ★★★★

Charlotte Flair def. Ronda Rousey

Underdelivered.  Hard act to follow, sure, but both were capable.  This felt off in general, something that didn’t connect.  Color it Charlotte-fatigue, or Ronda playing a milquetoast version of herself.  I had thought we’d see potatoes flying or a submission game of chess, but it was just a match with a silly finish.  ★★

“Stone Cold” Steve Austin def. Kevin Owens

As if this wouldn’t be the case, but the pop for Austin was the loudest reaction I’ve ever heard live.  Every second of this match the stadium was electric; chanting and screaming and waving middle fingers with the unabashed fandom of their yesteryears during the Attitude Era.  Nothing of a match, but dammit, it was extremely fun and a great send-off for Austin in Texas.  ★★

Triple H Introduced WrestleMania Sunday

I anticipated that Hunter would open the show or at least have a segment at some point over the weekend.  We were running late entering the stadium so I had to watch it one of the giant screens.  Bittersweet to see Hunter here, noticeably thinner than we’d ever seen him on television before due to his heart issues, his suit hanging off his body and legs leaner.  Better yet to see the symbolism of him leaving his boots behind in the ring to embrace his three daughters outside.  We’d all rather know he’s a present father than seeing him wrestle and work himself to a needlessly early death.

Thanks for the memories.  

RK-Bro def. The Street Profits and The Alpha Academy

The Street Profits had my favorite entrance with the red cups flying over the stage.  Solid match with strong false-finishes.  Riddle’s RKO off the top rope was the spot of the match and perhaps the night.  Post match saw Gable Steveson get into the ring and suplex Gable.  Brilliant, he looks like a star, get him in the main event-tier of WWE for some fresh blood.  ★★★

Bobby Lashley def. Omos

…and now he’s worthless.  They couldn’t have fed Omos first to Roman at the Rumble while he still had some semblance of value?  Like all giants in WWE, the aura is gone forever once they job.  It’s like they forget that giants are passé and don’t work on a modern fanbase because they’re eventually going to have to wrestle convincingly.  The audience won’t unsee this loss, and sweet Christ, they’ll try to make you in the next month.  ★

Johnny Knoxville def. Sami Zayn

I wanna kick my own ass for this demarcation, but I prefer wit in wrestling, rather than comedic wrestling.  Whatever.  I had very low hopes coming into this and feared this would be WWE telling the Jackass crew what’s funny, but instead it was a perfectly nostalgic blend of Attitude Era and Jackass shenanigans.  I was legit laughing from not seeing the giant hand slap coming.  ★

Sasha Banks and Naomi def Carmella and Queen Zelina, Rhea Ripley and Liv Morgan, and Natalya Shayna Baszler

It filled time.  ★

Edge def. AJ Styles

Oh, so that’s why you made a big-to-do about earning championships as a means to appearing at WrestleMania, so when Finn Balor won a title, he didn’t get on WrestleMania because Damien Priest needed to look at AJ. Speaking of herculean genius, our Alex Gibson predicted a phenomenal forearm into a spear for the finish.  I liked this more than the live crowd and was into it at points, but it dragged and was wrestled in a slow gear not unlike AJ’s match with Nakamura at Mania 34. ★★

Sheamus and Ridge Holland def. The New Day

Was I imagining things but didn’t the promo before the match in the stadium show Big E. getting injured, on a stretcher, and nearly paralyzed?  

Did the New Day need a win at Mania, who knows, whatever, but you had the opportunity for a feel-good moment, especially with Xavier and Kofi looking really cool wearing gear inspired by Big E.  Pete Dunne as Butch looked like a little kid with his dickhead Dick Van Dyke chimneysweep costume and his, “Let me at ‘em!  Let me at ‘em!” mannerisms.  What a waste of a generational talent.  I know, I know, mock me for looking too far into it, but it was almost as if New Day was being passive aggressive punished for being dealt this, all the more so when you consider this was cut senselessly from Night 1 to get 2 minutes in Night 2. ★

Mr. McMahon def. Pat McAfee, who def. Austin Theory

I was surprised by how over McAfee was with the live crowd.  It wasn’t just the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders or “Seven Nation Army” from his entrance.  The enthusiasm lasted the whole match.  Amazing athleticism for the sequence in which McAfee backflipped off the top rope and leapt back up for a superplex.  And take nothing away from Theory, he played his part well and fed comebacks excellently.  If the reports are true, Theory was one of the guys heavily pushed when Paul Heyman was leading creative, and now he’s the only one in a featured spot by virtue of being aligned with Vince and he’s earned that.  

Then the highlight.  Vince wrestling.  At age 104.  It’s near indescribable to put into words the push and pull emotional response to Vince today.  There’s part of you that can’t bear to watch an elderly man wrestle.  You wince when you see him struggle to even raise his arms for McAfee to bump into for an elementary clothesline spot.  You mock whatever the fuck it is that he’s done to his face.  You think laughing at his physical defects are fair game because of how horribly he’s treated others for their physical aliments.  You think he’s inching towards death or at least nearing a massive aneurysm while thinking he’s genuinely immortal.  You hate what he’s done to wrestling.  You hate that he allows Kevin Dunn to shoot the television show with CUTS ZOOMS FUCK THE 180 RULE! production values.  You freak the fuck out when he enters the stadium and cheer even louder when he decides to get in the ring.  

This “match” was a kind of a microcosm of what it is to be a former superfan of WWE: McAfee is mega-over with the live crowd; and you know how much WWE wants to have mainstream appeal, and he’s a legit celebrity with a huge social media following, another apple of their eye, so do you push him as a wrestler as opposed to an announcer or make him only a special attraction?  Doesn’t Austin Theory look like shit that he can’t beat a non-wrestler but a cadaver succeeds in doing him one-better?   You have an asset in McAfee that delivered big-time on their biggest stage but you make him look like a turd because he took and took and took offense from a senior citizen.  And then Austin comes out and stuns everyone so it’s all a big wash and nothing matters.  

What did matter, was the stunners themselves.  Austin Theory’s was great as he leapt into the air to bear crawl.  McAfee did a perfect beer spit-take with successive fountain-like streams, only to later resuscitate himself by pouring beer into his own unconscious prone body outside the ring.  And then Vince took the single worst stunner in the history of wrestling.  He seemingly forgot how to take it, not unlike how he seemingly forgot what Steve Austin’s music sounded like.  I was one of the nearly million people that watched Mick Foley hyperventilate as he watched McMahon stumble through it.  And as referenced above, you just smile and laugh and say, that’s our Vince! ★★

Roman Reigns def. Brock Lesnar

Repeatedly against my best judgements, I remained optimistic that these two could have a great, if not moderately good, match together.  But this fucking company…How can they have the foresight to not advertise McMahon and Austin wrestling at Mania for fear out of them embarrassing themselves and not being able to deliver in-ring, but yet they’ll trot out this unsightly horseshit without any quality control for what you’re promoting with a straight face as the biggest match in WrestleMania history?  There wasn’t a Pat Patterson-y type that could go over spots to ensure this wouldn’t be a big ol’ turd in the wading pool?  And if you did, shame on you.  Just awful.  The fact that these guys had an excellent match at Mania 31, then a car crash at 34, you’d think they’d get their shit together and give you something to go out on a high-note with, what with this being the last dance between the only two relevant wrestlers that the company invested in in nearly a decade.  I don’t care if Roman was injured at some point, the entire layout sucked.  There was no hint of an actual match from the start.  All big finishers in fast forward with zero storyline or passion.  Should be embarrassed for themselves. ★★

Post Examination:  

As referenced on the Podcast, we walked into WrestleMania thinking it would be the last WWE show we’d have any emotional investment in until substantial changes were made.  If the CUTS and ZOOMS of Kevin Dunn don’t take a Klonopin, and if nothing matters creatively, we won’t even causally watch.  We wanted to go out with a good, memorable show, and beyond my criticism and low match ratings, it still was.  Saturday was wrestling, Sunday was sports entertainment, but they collectively felt like magical, big events that were special that we could go out on.  

WrestleMania is worth seeing once.  

But I don’t need to see it again for a long-ass while.