WWE Mega Matches on Coliseum Home Video: Match Ratings and Commentary
(Credit-WWE)
Apropos of nothing let’s kick it old school with a classic WWE Coliseum Home Video tape. Curious how we rank matches? We’ve got a rubric for that.
WWE Mega Matches
Earthquake def. Tito Santana: ★
Big Bossman def. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan: ★
Sgt. Slaughter def. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan: ★
Bret Hart def. The Barbarian: ★
Rhythm and Blues def. The Bushwackers: ★
Hulk Hogan def. Dino Bravo: ★
The British Bulldog def. Haku: ★
“Macho King” Randy Savage: def. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan: ★★★
“Macho King” Randy Savage def. The Ultimate Warrior: ★★
Warrior and Savage (Credit-WWE)
Show Highlight—
Randy Savage. I became a fan in 1990, so my first entry into Randy Savage was under the gimmick of The Macho King, so I’ll always have a fondness for this era of Savage over others. Savage was on the front of the box and is prominently featured on the VHS, the highlight of which was a way better than expected match against “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Savage was infamous for his meticulous design of matches and this felt like a best-of of all their matches the two already had on Saturday Night’s Main Event and on syndicated TV tapings. There’s nothing revelatory, it’s just perfectly timed execution in front of a hot, Madison Square Garden crowd. Duggan was a great brawler in Mid-South but never had to wear his working shoes in the WWE but Savage got the most out of him here.
Savage also got a rare, televised win over The Ultimate Warrior. It’s not even a good cage match for either individual; it’s a lot of the silly escape rules WWE nonsense, dulled down with the referee on the outside of the ring that gradually came in for two-counts. But Warrior lost, which is still oddly gratifying all these years later. But not aging well, is Warrior stripping Sherri down to her lingerie to beat the shit out of her.
What Worked—
Bobby Heenan’s heel antics. The background here is Bobby Heenan and Rick Rude in kayfabe were insulting Bossman’s mom for months. In real life, Rude left WWE over money, and, back in kayfabe, President Jack Tunney forced Heenan to fill Rude’s scheduled matches against Bossman. Heenan got on the mic and said he was just talking to Bossman’s mother on the phone backstage and he literally left the phone off the hook because she wanted to tell Bossman herself to not beatdown Bobby. He cowered in fear more than any chickenshit heel did during that era. A fun segment and a masterclass of getting heat.
Powerslam in Hart/Barbarian. Bret can get shit on for just not giving a fuck on some of these Coliseum Videos compilations but here, the match was nothing because they got zero time. That being said, Barbarian hits a snapping powerslam that is fucking insanely brutal and shows how strong and athletic he was. An under-appreciated talent that got unfairly lumped in with the steroid lugs.
Rhythm and Blues hunch. Who gives a shit about this hot take of mine but fuck it, it’s my article…had Rhythm and Blues officially formed in ’88 after Honky dropped the IC belt they would have gotten over big. Now, they did partner in ’89 and were a team at Mania V, but they didn’t have the Rhythm and Blues moniker and Valentine still had his blonde hair. But had Greg done the dye job in ’88, he could have mimicked Roy Orbison to Honky’s Elvis. Look at how much Valentine looked like Orbison with that black hair! And that was only a year removed from Roy Orbison’s big career renaissance off of Blue Velvet, his re-recording of his old classic hits, the Traveling Wilburys, and Mystery Girl. I’m such a pathetic wrestling fan that this is something I genuinely ruminate about obsessively whenever I see late 80s Hammer.
Kid loves Big Bossman. If you go fire this up on the network, it’s during the Hogan/Bravo match and it’s when Bossman is announced as Hogan’s second. Anyways, this little kid just wails like Lex in Jurassic Park when she attracts the T-Rex, it’s three screams in succession like that. I dunno, I always loved how WWE’s home video crew could find these little weirdos like the British Bulldog kid from SummerSlam 1992.
What Didn’t Work—
Finishes. So none of these matches, save for Savage/Duggan, are any good. There’s so many shitty finishes and DQs and protected conclusions on this tape it’s crazy that they made a compilation with these selections. You’d think if they were recording dark matches for a Coliseum Home Video collection they’d alter the finishes from the house show run and give a clean ending, but nope. Seemed to me a lot of these matches were taped between Survivor Series and Rumble 91, so with nobody in singles competition or having an on-air program really, who cared if Tito dropped one to Earthquake?
Show Cringe—
Sandwiched between the two big Savage matches was The Macho King appearing as a guest on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous where Robin Leach joined Randy and Sherri for a game of croquet. Because of course with steroids and cocaine. Savage did what was basically a Stefon bit, having a little person go on all fours to make a wicket for him. “Stefon, what’s a Macho Wicket?” “It’s like that thing where a midget…”.
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