There’s Just One Problem…
Written by Brian Gewirtz Published by Twelve; August 2022
The problem with There’s Just One Problem…the new memoir from former WWE Head Writer Brian Gewirtz, is timing.
Released two months after reports surfaced that Vince McMahon had paid hush-money in NDAs for sexual misconduct and financial misappropriation, this book landed in a far different ecosystem today than what was intended. Had the book come out a year from now, undeniably the tone and stories included about Vince would have took a much different shape. And arguably, maybe Problem is better that it was sent to galleys when it did. Gewirtz’s autobiography is supposed to be a funny fish out of water tale, and knowing Vince was a (alleged) pariah as opposed to just an incredibly eccentric workaholic perfectionist would have made this more of a survivor’s tale with a much more serious weight. Instead, There’s Just One Problem… hilariously captures how weird it is to be an outsider and not quite belonging to a cult-like, carnie world that is as draining as it is fascinating.
Take the brilliant, table-setting opening piece when Gewirtz is sent to “Wrestler’s Court” for offending Hardcore Holly that he was cozying up too much to Edge and Christian. Not only are we presented to how insular this world is, where on the job even the McMahon family and management openly let’s their talent run a backwards kangaroo court, but wrestlers air their grievances, and ultimately publicly shame and humiliate him for breaking some unknown locker room etiquette (we find out that this was more of an initiation ritual). As I was reading it, I remembered that he was already writing for WWE for nearly 2 years but it reads like he was brand new. You get the sense that you could be at WWE for 20 years and you’d always be on edge, what with the unending, copious mind games, some mean-spirited, some merely a Jackass-esque form of ribbing.
That’s not to say that Gerwitz didn’t love his time there and saw it as a dream fulfilled. We got the obligatory fan resume to proclaim his childhood fandom (mark for Piper; went to three successive Manias in the New Generation Era). He lost interest after Owen’s death, but by weird coincidences, he was between writing gigs and got freelance work with MTV for their SummerSlam ’99 specials. Gerwitz wrote dialogue for Mankind, Triple H, and The Rock, who thought highly enough of his stuff that The Rock took it upon himself to recommend that Gerwitz write for WWE and made sure the office got his contact info. Gerwitz did a series of day-long interviews with Vince Russo and Ed Ferrera, and the McMahon family to turn down their offer to join WWE.com. Months later, when Russo and Ferrera went to WCW and WWE offered him a proper writer position, he joined. His first day on the job was even more surreal—more ribs, dipshit rookie shit said to Vince, and culminated with him riding with Shane and Vince to the next town, where Vince just had to hysterically honk the horn at the placid hour of 1:00AM in a suburban neighborhood.
From there, the book reads easily, with Gerwritz’s voice like a Sports Entertainment Sedaris. He’s self-deprecating and pokes fun at his awkwardness, but it never runs tiresome and ultimately fuels the narrative, which more or less comes back to being at odds with the ultra alpha-male nature of Vince and/or the culture of WWE. And speaking of narrative, it was genius of Gerwitz to structure the book as a series of stories as opposed to a traditional memoir that had banal bits of his childhood and his career outside of WWE. This created a more satisfying read for hardcore wrestling fans and will probably set him up to get another book deal based on the success of Problem. Every page has a good laugh, and his style lends himself to publishing a follow-up of essays in the vein of a Chuck Klosterman or George Saunders, where he could write comic pieces about individual storylines or PPV builds. Maybe Conrad needs another podcast, fuck it!
The funniest bits are about Michael Hayes. The biggest laugh for me in the book was when they went gambling in Vegas to blow off some steam after an insufferable XFL production. Gewirtz composed this poem about Hayes to indicate a predictor of behavior, “Hair in a tail, no need to bail/hair undone, your ass better run!” And on this night, Hayes was shitfaced and lost all his chips at blackjack, and so he did what any person would do, help himself to the winnings of the old lady sitting next to him at the table to keep the party going.
Not as funny, are his clashes with Vince. There’s certainly mutual respect between the two, but as Gewirtz emphasizes, Vince does not like to be challenged as much as his reputation would suggest, and they sparred over, of all fucking things, Vince not knowing who Dwayne Wade is (because of course he wouldn’t). This leads to his role diminishing as he stopped writing on the road, only returning to create his masterpiece, the three-year feud between Rock and Cena. There we learn the heat was legitimate and shots were taken too personally. Due to mutual respect, the two icons patch it up. Much like Gewirtz’s relationship with Vince, where upon resigning officially Vince gave Brian a hug and told Gewirtz that he loves him.
I won’t spoil anything or repeat other great lines from the book. You need to read it yourself and enjoy it. It’s easily the best wrestling book this year and one of the most entertaining ones ever, up there in consideration with Mick’s and Jericho’s, which is the best you can say about a wrestling autobiography.
The one thing that shouldn’t be a spoiler, is The Rock seems like a genuinely great guy, always eager to put the work in with an emphasis on thinking positively to make something better. The book ends with Gewirtz working for Seven Bucks Productions with The Rock again, officially a Hollywood scribe and Rock’s boy as derided by the boys in his initial WWE run. Gewirtz knows the audience reading this book are wannabe wrestling writers, and he gives great advice and tips to pay it forward like The Rock had to him.
★★★★
Buy the book here—https://www.twelvebooks.com/titles/brian-gewirtz/theres-just-one-problem/9781668605752/
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