MJF’s Pipebomb, Disassembled
A critical dissection of MJF’s promo from 6/1/22’s AEW Dynamite—not surprisingly—one of the best of all time.
Maxwell Jacob Friedman (courtesy of AEW Dynamite)
MJF is completely right, he is a generational talent.
MJF is already one of the top five best promos of all time—and that’s not subjective, that’s a fact, like water is wet. 2022 has been a personal best. Earlier this year, in the build to CM Punk at Revolution, he performed a layered and brilliant promo about his childhood bullying that explained his obsession with Punk. Last Wednesday, June 1st, like CM Punk’s legendary pipebomb in Las Vegas in 2011, MJF unraveled the grievances of a man also at the end of his rope. The usage of the signifier “pipebomb” is overused, but calling this MJF’s pipebomb is only appropriate given how similar and mirrored the two wrestlers and their circumstances seem to be. As you’ll read, MJF’s promo is transcribed in bold, next to it will be my commentary in italicized parenthesis.
*****
I am in a lot of pain right now, after what happened on Sunday. (One could make the argument that that shit all over Wardlow’s big win at Double or Nothing. That MJF should have been selling the 10 powerbombs for at least another week. At least MJF said this first as an acknowledgment that it happened, I guess. Funny to think though, that fans were pissed that MJF wasn’t going to show up for DON because it would hurt Wardlow and ruin Warldow’s momentum, but who has more momentum now? AEW was in a weird bind, because you simultaneously had to strike when interest in MJF is also at its peak.) But all you people want to do is hear me talk, right? That’s what you want, you want to hear me talk? (Part of the work/shoot of MJF missing a meet-and-greet appearance the Saturday before DOB, was that he wasn’t answering his phone.) I’ll talk, but this is Max Friedman talking. (Ah, the ol’ everything is fake but this is real canard that worked shoot promos always tend to delve into.)
Big merger, Boss. Lot of important executives here tonight to watch your product. Would be a real shame if something bad happened. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you, man. (MJF referenced the merger between TimeWarner and Discovery. If you're a hardcore AEW fan, you have anxiety of history repeating itself when Turner Broadcasting System merged with AOL TimeWarner, which eventually killed WCW, WWE’s last alternative. Ted Turner always wanted wrestling on his network, and would use his positional power to silence anyone on the board who wanted wrestling off TV, and as many books and podcasts have documented, pretty much everyone in power at Turner and Time Warner saw WCW always as a low-brow, trashy property. AEW isn’t owned by TimeWarner, but AEW’s TV deal with them ensured its financial future during the pandemic. If the new executives don’t want wrestling on TV anymore, this will harm AEW’s negotiation power when their TV deal is up, coincidentally enough, in 2024. MJF’s character wants to go to WWE so he doesn’t care that AEW could be fucked financially. Also, Tony Khan tweeted that he had the best meetings of his life with executives within Warner Bros Discovery on the same weekend MJF was supposedly spiraling out of control. We were told through dirt sheets that executives of the new conglomerate would be at this show, which logically makes sense given it was in Los Angeles, so MJF clearly had the potential to ruin Tony’s moment. For such few lines, it clearly conveys a great emotional bedding for this promo to lay.)
Speaking of embarrassing, you’ve been trying to sit down with me to hash things out for quite some time now, haven’t ya? (Long standing dirt sheet rumor. Nothing really leaks to dirt sheets about the inner workings of AEW, so this “story” seemed to have legs, regardless if people thought it was the setup for a work. And who knows, maybe this was the angle Cody hinted at backstage at Beach Blast 2022 in Cleveland when he said there’s never been anything like this presented in wrestling?) Well guess what? Too little, too late. Here’s why:
When this company first started it was All Friends Wrestling. (A Jim Cornette coinage, one of the most feverishly vocal critics of AEW.) Everybody was handed a ticket, except for me. See, I had to write my own, and boy do I have good penmanship, because I created moments after moments after moments for this company and I still get no respect. Nobody is on my level. No one. Everything I touch turns to gold. There is nothing I can’t do. Every time I come out here, I am not expected to hit home runs, I’m expected to hit grand slams. (Absolutely true, as a reviewer of AEW, that is undoubtedly my expectations of him.) And I do that shit on a weekly basis.
See, all the other boys, they get to settle for being great, I have to be perfect because I’m the 26 year old who is constantly held under a microscope because I am the only guy who is capable of carrying this company on my back as I have for months. (This got his first babyface applause. Poor Hangman.)
It’s funny, I hear boos but I also hear clapping. That’s interesting. That’s interesting. Where were you guys this whole weekend when you were calling me an unprofessional piece of shit? (Wresting Twitter and Reddit subgroups such as SquaredCircle certainly were expressing that sentiment in droves. Because MJF’s always been in character, there was a general wondering if he was, in fact, kind of a dick for real, or at the very least, being immature to potentially hold up Tony Khan before Double or Nothing when he’d have to job to Wardlow as their 2 year story needed to conclude.) I’m just curious. You’re not the only problem, no, it’s the boys in the back, too. Because the boys in the back all want my spot, well guess what, you want my spot? You can have it because I don’t wanna be here anymore.
Now let’s talk about you ‘fans,’ huh? You people call yourself fans, you’re not fans, you’re uneducated marks. (To be a wrestling fan, there’s always a latent fear all wrestlers view us as one collective basement-dwelling pest. I’m sure this had to be cathartic for him to say that is viciously as he said it, a sort of payback for every time a fan hassles a wrestler in a completely inappropriate moment. For example, a little part of me felt terrible DDP shook our hands and said hi to us during WrestleMania week, because when right as DDP came over to acknowledge us in a totally friendly way, by happenstance his Uber came to pick up him and his wife and I felt like we were being assholes just for creating a holdup for a blip. Contrast that with the probably-has-happened-scenario of some fan wanting a selfie as a wrestler goes to the vet to euthanize their beloved family dog.) You sit there on your phones, Tweeting out your opinions, like they’re worth a damn, let me explain something to you people—you don’t know shit. (Again, re: MJF’s situation before Double or Nothing and general relationship with Tony Khan, every dirt sheet journalist was emphatic that this was not a work.) Your opinions suck. Your opinions change at the drop of a dime and then you pretend that your new opinions are the same as your old—for example: man, I always knew MJF was a good wrestler. Really? That’s interesting. Because last time I checked you guys pretended I sucked in the ring for a long time and why is that, huh? Because I’m not untrained like all your faves? Because I don’t pretend to watch New Japan? (Great line with dual meaning, as AEW is supposed to be promoting Forbidden Door, and NJPW has always been the barometer for how smart and knowledgeable a wrestling fan is that cares about workrate.) Because I don’t dump my opponents on their heads? Because I’m not reckless? What is it? Because I’m not chasing star ratings guys? (Since the 90s I’ve been incapable of watching a wrestling match without assigning a star rating to it. I wonder how much of the wrestling fanbase does the same? 15%) What is it? How could I possibly be the best? Well, news flash. I am the best! I’m the best in the world! (Another CM Punk pipebomb interpolation.) ‘Cos I’m the only guy who makes you feel. (A great fucking line that everyone in the crowd applauded. That’s what MJF does do-arguably better than Bobby Heenan—he is the catalyst in the story that makes you feel. “I make you feel” could be MJF’s Austin 3:16.) And unlike all those boys I don’t gotta do a bunch of bullshit to get you there.
I am a generational talent and you people consistently take me for granted. (Very, very objectively true.) But it’s not just you. It’s the big man in the back, too. Here’s something you can’t take for granted, here’s something he doesn’t want you to know. Do you guys know who the second biggest minute-for-minute draw is in this entire company? Nope! You wish! It’s me! It’s me! And if you don’t believe me, do me a favor, ask stat boy Tony in the back, see what he’s got to say. (“Stat boy” referencing of course Tony’s other job as analytics lead for the Jacksonville Jaguars and Fulham F.C.) But whatever you do, don’t ask him to reach into his pockets and pay the man who’s been busting his ass for him since day one! (If there’s a criticism to this brilliant promo, it’s why do they want to turn AEW into the heel? It’s easy for WWE to be the heel because their on-screen authority figures already are all heels, and, one could argue, WWE was always tone-deaf in their presentation of their product for long stretches of time. Name any wrestling fan and they’ll be able to rattle off the names of 4 guys or girls they loved and wanted to be the top star that didn’t get their fair chance. Also questionable is the now necessity of having Tony appear on TV as a kayfabe on-screen character, and Tony Khan is um…well…best suited behind the camera.)
No no no no no, make sure he hordes all that money, make sure he hordes all that money so he can give it to all the new ex-WWE guys he keeps bringing in (Audible gasp.) that can’t lace my goddamn boots! (In an instant, MJF can make the crowd go for an awed hush to a standing ovation. Incredible.) Hey boss! Would you treat me better if I was an ex-WWE guy?
See maybe you don’t get it, man. Here’s the problem with you, boss. You got a position of power in a wrestling company, when the only position you should be assuming, is behind the guardrail with all of them. (Back to boos from the crowd. Tony’s appeal as an owner, and why he appears like a breath of fresh air, is the fact that he brands himself as a fan, as opposed to Vince McMahon whom’ll willingly put out garbage as long as it makes a buck. This of course has another connotation, as wrestling fans put off by AEW see Tony Khan as a poor businessman who uses his dad’s money without financial acumen. And even deeper, this is a very subtle dig that Tony, at the end of the day, is an audience of one just like Vince.)
I don’t wanna wait till 2024, but you don’t listen to me so allow me to make it a little bit easier for you. Tony—I want you to fire me. Tony—don’t count me down you piece of shit, shut your mouth! Look at me, Tony! Look at me. I want you to fire me. You fucking mark, fire me! (The f-bomb should never go over well with executives in-person, and if this was any other live television broadcast, they would be fired. This will put Tony in a kayfabe compromised position: does Tony acquiesce to MJF’s demands and fire him or does he realize the error of his ways and pay him? The microphone cut off, also just like CM Punk’s did when he went too personal with the owner. Will MJF have his own Summer of Punk while CM Punk should be having a Summer of Punk as champion? Who knows where the hell this is going to go, which is the best thing you can say about great television.)
